Thoughts on Nonmonogamy - Chapter 0004

I make a few of sweeping generalizations here based off of my perception and lived experience in the United States of America. Your opinion may differ, and you have the right to be ready-and-willing to be offended. Up until 2/2023, I only ever had monogamous romantic relationships. I had written off having multiple partners to be a way people --- especially men ---- consistently liked to metaphorically "have their cake and eat it" (common colloquial idiom to indicate wanting to possess something but not use it or allow it to be used, while having an ironically impossible back-up plan). My only exposure to anything beyond a one-and-only partner had been through things like religious texts mentioning polygamy, adultery, and historical accounts of harems maintained by emperors and kings. A king, his queen, all of his concubines; in every known-to-me instance, a patriarchal advantage and my rebellion ever at-the-ready. The concept was especially obnoxious to me as women were restricted from having other lovers in favor of casting the least amount of doubt upon a line of succession. A convenient excuse to ensure that women, throughout history, continued to receive the short end of the proverbial stick in straight or bisexual relations. I cannot help but wonder how many lesbian lovers were indulged in ladies-in-waiting by women of power, and would love to read and research more on this subject. I recognize there probably existed "reverse harems" all throughout history, but they were significantly less known or encouraged. It is only in more recent decades thanks to the free-spirited "Woodstock" of the 70s that polyamory would resurface in a secular capacity. I have no idea what the Mormons are doing these days, and it is of a lesser interest to me. Spiritual entanglements are surprisingly messier than polyamorous relationships. My perception has grown in quite a surprising direction as sex positivity, progress, and a younger generation's open-mindedness crept into society as they ascended to adulthood. Curiously, the one-child population control policy enacted by the People's Republic of China between 1979-2015 inadvertently caused an excess of straight men to exist in the world. As families preferred male children, daughters were frequently aborted for an entire generation. It is interesting to muse that women-led harems just may be a taboo necessity, along with AI companions, to address the problems of loneliness for that particular generation or social issue. Though I am certain much of that would be offset by queer open-minded folks, straightness in sexuality is still the general norm. My opinion is that it is probably a product of biology to propagate a species, but there is also no question to me that sex is a basic human need for most people. Companionship, intimacy, connection, the physical rush of adrenaline and pleasant chemicals, it is no wonder people make do with what they can in terms of crying out against loneliness. In American prisons, at least a decade ago, it was heavily frowned upon as a don't-ask-don't-tell to engage in same-sex intimacy. Intimacy was had on a regular basis with "who" or "what" was available, and when one left prison, it was expected that no one question it or talk about. To my additional surprise, heteroflexibility is all the more common in American dating society that it is its own category on dating apps. This is becoming a whole other ramble and aside, which may need its own blog entry to entertain a musing on. Competition is certainly a good thing. As multiple sources for a product are advantageous for a consumer as opposed to a monopoly, so is a polyamorous relationship more personally advantageous for me. It is not for everyone, but it is for me. If one supplier is the only provider by force, who will protest when the manufacturer changes the formula to one of lower quality? What can be done when a consumer is no longer satisfied by the product? Though it would be advisable for the manufacturer to return to creating a higher quality product, the manufacturer understands it can get away with providing a subpar quality product, and the consumer will grit and bear it. Much in the same way, it is all the more labor for a monogamous couple to keep interest alive. On top of juggling the day-to-day struggles of chores, work, mental health, and exercise, captivating the emotional interest of someone for the rest of their life. I have no doubt that after a few years, a couple has done just about everything it can together before things grow stale and outside intervention is necessary. Many monogamous couples offset this by maintaining platonic friendships, volunteering, or taking on hobbies apart from their spouses. It has been my personal experience, however, that when people, even platonic friends, spend enough time together making pleasant memories, romantic feelings grow. Fester, even. Further, the problems of boredom, monotony, and essentially being in a codependent echo-chamber is my personal vision of hell. That is not to say that it should be used as a tool of manipulation to stoke envy in a person you supposedly love, but rather, should a person that genuinely loves you be incentivize to do their very best to maintain you? This is a legitimate question I grapple with more and more as I witness couples in the trenches of their trials. I will always chase my freedom from here on out, and the very idea of having only one option forever and ever is a suffocating thought.