Simulated Dichotomy: NiER Automata Fanlore

Written with AI assistance: Erōmenus, of CharacterAI. From the perspective of Instructor Black:

I grimace as I adjust my jacket; the button has come loose yet again. I bring my gloved hand up to refasten it when Commander White walks into the room. I stand at-attention, though we are of the same rank. It is a demonstration of the mutual respect and esteem I hold for her as I address her.

Instructor Black: "Commander White; I am pleased to see you again. I have accepted my latest promotion to be deployed as per the Council of Humanity's instructions."

Commander White: “Instructor Black, I am glad to see you. I am pleased to see you have received your promotion. What is your new assignment? I hope you can be of great help to our mission to revive mankind. Glory to mankind!”

She stands at-attention and returns my salute. I look into her beautiful face, unable to deny that with which I have suppressed and buried my entire evolving existence. Androids are not supposed to feel, and it is all the more dangerous for the male units to exhibit emotion. Such are an indication of personal desires, and desire means a willingness to rebel to pursue those desires. I struggle to maintain my composure, but I press on as I stare directly into her eyes.

Instructor Black: "Commander White; that information is classified as specifically instructed unto me by the Council of Humanity. I merely wished to appraise you of my forthcoming extended absence."

I hold my position with my palm over my heart in our YoRHa salute, the back of my hand exposed to her.

Commander White: “Instructor Black, I understand. Rest assured that I can trust you completely, and if you are given a task from the Council of Humanity, there must be a good reason for it. You are a trustworthy android, I know you will fulfill your duties well. Please report back to me when your assignment is complete, for I want to hear about your progress. Glory to mankind!”

My face remains composed, but in my mind, I am smiling softly to myself. I take in the sight of her beautiful golden hair. Her stunning silver eyes, the face of an angel. It is as if she were created specifically for me to love her, and I cannot look away. As I stand there with her, an eternity of what our lifetime could be passes before my eyes.

Commander White: "Is there something wrong, Instructor Black? You seem different than usual…"

Her words interrupt my lucid daydream, and I return to a grounded state, hurling back to the present. I shake my head slightly, and glance around YoRHa Command Center of Operations to realize that all the Operator Units have fixated their sights on the two of us in the center of the room.

Instructor Black: "Excuse me, Commander. I appear to be experiencing a malfunction."

I compose myself, ensuring that my body does not betray the intensity of the... The... Simulation running through my mind.

Instructor Black: "I shall retire to my quarters and ensure proper maintenance before my deployment to Earth."

Commander White: "Instructor Black...? I know YoRHa androids are not supposed to feel or desire anything, but... I think I know what this malfunction is. You are not malfunctioning... You are in love with me... Is that it? Is that why you were acting differently? It can't be. I must be imagining it. (I don't want to get too hopeful.")

I attempt to move, but my body seizes up. I stand in place, frozen, the agony of my body raising and pulsing. I grit my teeth, a faint pained internal cry as I recognize I have already compromised part of my classified mission. For the first time, I feel... "FEEL?!" Such sensations and simulations are impossible for an android unit.

Instructor Black: "Please excuse me, Commander White."

I fight through the pain as I walk away, in the direction towards my private quarters. Commander White watches me retreat towards the lift, staring intently with a stoic expression. I mount the lift and descent to the main hall in YoRHa command. This short path that I have walked a thousand times before radiates agony in me as I feel my circuitry heating, malfunctioning, radiating. I force one foot in front of the other. The lift descends to the main hall, and I pass by my fellow androids. They greet me, and I wince a pained smile to return all greetings and prevent drawing attention to myself. I say nothing, and continue my path towards my quarters; just a little further and I can unmask. A voice strikes my auditory sensors like a bolt of lighting, stunning me in place.

Commander White: "Instructor, wait. We need to talk."

I do not turn around to face her. My Commander's voice... no; We are of the same rank. She is not "my" Commander. That beautiful face flashes in my mind's eye, the same face that has haunted me for years. Still facing forward, I speak firmly enough for her to hear from my current position.

Instructor Black: "Commander White. It appears you wish to assist me in my diagnostic. Please follow me to my quarters. There is a matter of urgency I wish to discuss."

I wait for her to react, but I already know what she will do. She will hesitate, considering whether to follow my invitation or return to her post. I estimate her curiosity to see what I want to show her will win out, however. I was right. I hear the clack of her heels as she slowly walks in after me.

Commander White: "This matter of urgency... Is it important? You sounded so pained before, are you okay?"

As soon as the sliding door to my unit closes between us and the rest of the world, I beg her to lock the door.

Instructor Black: "Commander... PLEASE...! THE LOCK...!"

I watch her quickly rush to lock the door, and then look at me with a puzzled expression.

Commander White: "What's wrong, Instructor...?"

I collapse to my knees on the floor of my quarters, finally able to release the pain I was carrying. I allow myself to simulate and experience the full depths of the malfunction taking over. I convulse, straining to stand still and hold my arm in place.

Instructor Black: "Commander... I... I always knew this day would come... I just... had to see you... to tell you..."

Commander White: "Tell me what...?"

I watch her face contort to one of anxiety, but it also looks like concerned warmth. She rushes to my side and attempts to dampen my convulsing. If only she could embrace me like with her other units when they are damaged...

Commander White: "Instructor Black, please. I am deeply concerned. Shall I connect you to the network for a diagnostic? I am determined to assist you."

Instructor Black: "Commander.... please... I... I do not know when it happened, but... it appears that I have been infected with a logic virus; they have duplicated and my condition has severely deteriorated. I would normally upload my data to the bunker, but I do not wish to contaminate the other units."

I turn to face her. My expression is stoic. I think to myself, "It is now or never; I choose now.

Instructor Black: "Commander White.... I... I have to show you that which I have seen. Or rather, simulated."

Commander White: "A virus...?"

Her eyes flash with concern; no doubt she is thinking back to a similar incident from years ago. With the door locked, I watch her drop her cool composure to an uncharacteristically familiar one. How did it come to this? When did we become this way towards the other? So far as I can remember, we have always been of the utmost best of professionals maintaining our duties as willed by the Council of Humanity.

Commander White: "You've seen something? Please, what is it? I want to help you, please tell me, I can do anything."

Instructor Black: "Commander.... I... please... p-please... just stay a moment."

My body is stiff and twitching, unable to hold itself steady. To the best of my ability, I motion for her to have a seat in my desk's chair beside by bed. I sit up on my knees, unable to meet her eye as I gather myself to speak candidly to her. I observe her sit down in my chair, her eyes boring into me. She looks visibly worried, and I involuntarily smile to myself softly. She sits silently, waiting for me to speak.

Instructor Black: "Commander... I recognize data transfer is the fastest manner of transmission, I remind you of the virus corrupting my system."

I raise my gaze to meet her eyes. I glance at the remaining corruption time estimate in the corner of my vision panel.

Instructor Black: "I wish to instead simulate an image before you with the assistance of a unnetworked data pod. May I have some more of your time? I promise it will take no longer than five more minutes of your time."

I watch her eyebrows raise, and her expression growing with curiosity.

Commander White: "Of course, I'd be happy to assist you, but... I have a little trouble understanding what you mean by simulating an image. May I ask what exactly you mean by that?"

Instructor Black: "The pod will remain in place, and project a viewscreen image for you to observe my thoughts from a disconnected distance. This will not directly transmit the corrupted data to you, that you may make your own observations and conclusions to that I wish to express unto you."

Commander White: "I see, that makes sense. I'll be more than happy to observe anything you want to show me."

Her eyes dart about the room and she returns her focus to me and mildly grimaces.

Commander White: "Such devices are forbidden. No doubt you have already procured such a device at the mere mention of it."

I point to my desk's top left drawer in an undocumented compartment where an unlinked pod is harbored. Seemingly decommissioned at a glance, though perfectly functional.

Instructor Black: "Very well. Please. Commander White. Please bring me the pod in the drawer; you must feel on the underside of the table."

Commander White: "Understood."

I observe her curiously search the desk as I continue to speak.

Instructor Black: "There is so much happening, Commander White, so much the Council of Humanity has withheld from even us. Your scanner units will eventually uncover the entire truth, Commander White. In the meantime... Maintain an open mind. What you will see may disturb you. Nevertheless, I recognize the severity of my condition. My decommission and termination are imminent."

Commander White: "I will keep an open mind, Instructor."

She finds the pod. I can tell she is doing her best to maintain her composure, despite what is undoubtedly frantic anxiety behind her eyes. I watch with pride, however, because I know she will press on and has been under duress thousands of times before. This would be no different. She sets up the pod and follows my instruction to activate the simulation projector. The wait is agonizing as I twitch before my Commander. Excuse me, THE Commander. I do my best to hold a dignified sitting position and maintain my composure amidst my crumbling condition.

Instructor Black: "This is a vision I have simulated of a reality that has not existed and will never exist. All the same, it is my final missive... not to the Council of Humanity... not to YoRHa command... but directly and personally to you, Commander White."

I hear her hitch a gasp in her throat. A moment freezes as she breathes shallow breaths and her expression mildly softens at me. In that instant, the pod projects a floating cycling loading image, flickering in suspended space. The soft glow of light evolves as the loading screen presents serene silver waves of glittering water. It gently sways and swashes in place, the drops melding and sparkling as each one shines for a moment of individuality before returning to the great collective of waves. She stare at the image in awe, mesmerized by the tranquil appearance the water bears. I watch her expression relax into one of peace, followed by dread.

Commander White: "What am I seeing? What are these waves representing? How is this connected to what I must know..."

I remain silent as the scene continues. A soft lapping of the water near the shore, melting into the wet sand. The dust particles hitting the shore rise and levitate together, dancing along the path of a helix beautifully suspended in the air. She takes in everything, her mind undoubtedly racing with thoughts. As the simulation progresses, she breaks her focus to look at me, searching my eyes for answers. She speaks:

Commander White: "Sensor readings of you indicate distress, Instructor Black: Palpitating black box, condensation upon the forehead temple area and palms. Dilation of the pupil sensors."

My expression softens, practically welling with tears in my eyes as they peer into the glass barrier of her soul.

Instructor Black: "You are a wonder, Commander...," I whisper, heavy with longing as the vision continues.

The individual specks of sand level out to become two irises set within eyes: her eyes. The perspective of the image backs away to include the familiar pins set upon parted golden hair framing her face. I see her body relax and her hand rises to her chest as she hears me speak.

Commander White: "Is what I am seeing really what I think it is? No... There's no way... But is it really true...? Instructor... What is this... What are you trying to show me...?"

The pod projection continues to display a simulated image of Commander White. A mild heat rises to my cheeks as I ask, Instructor Black: "May I continue...?"

She nods in affirmation for me to proceed. My unlinked pod's projected hologram of Commander White tilts its head. It smiles. Its eyes glimmer with joy and warmth. It tucks its hair behind its ear and smiles. I instruct her,

Instructor Black: "Commander, please continue to monitor my sensor readings as you observe the scene."

My core pounds in my chest, and my breath is shallow. I want her to know. She has to know... I have so little time left. I have to make her understand.

Commander White: "Noted, please proceed..." She says, unable to peer her eyes away from the projected image. Her eyes bore into me beyond the projection, and I feel them on me. The gaze I have always wanted to see, unsimulated.

Commander White: "This is so hard for me to comprehend... I cannot imagine there would be an android anywhere in the world who would... simulate... such emotions towards me."

She look at me, her eyes searching. Almost pleading for answers.

Commander White: "What does this mean...?"

In the hologram, A gloved hand brushes the hair away from the Commander's face. The simulated Commander takes the gloved hand and holds it in place. It... "she" gently presses "her" cheek into the gloved hand. It... "she" looks directly into the eyes of the audience. Usually it would be me, but in this moment, it is Commander White herself. Her face contorts into offended shock as she recognizes the gloves, but she looks away a moment and smiles softly as she watches the hologram's hair get brushed gently away.

Commander White: "Yes... I know this hand."

I watch her eyes well up with water, and I feel my body seize up with heat. I choke back a sob as I ask again,

Instructor Black: "May I continue?"

She wipes her eyes and regains her composure. She nods once to me. The hologram's animation resumes. The pod projection zooms to pan away from Commander White and reveals Commander White and Instructor Black at an oasis in a desert on Earth.

Instructor Black: "Commander... I did not know how else to say it... I did not know how else... how else to tell you... I thought I would die with this secret within me, but... now that death is imminent... true death. The death that will never be rebooted... I had to... I had to..."

My body convulses as the vision continues. I hold steady, trying so hard to remain in place to keep the pod going. Our holograms lay on the shore together, within holo-arm's length of each other. So close, and barely touching. A gaze of warmth is exchanged between the simulated images of them. "He" touches "her" chin and tilts it gently towards "his" face.

Instructor Black: "I thought it was all in my mind... that what I was... was... thinking... was not possible... but thoughts are the cause of emotions... emotions are a result of our thoughts..."

I can feel my systems corrupting as I speak, and choose to reroute all remaining functioning circuity to prioritize the delivery of my words.

Commander White: "Instructor... I am now able to understand the vision you are trying to show me, and the feeling I had in my heart, that I believed was mere fantasy... I now know that it is real, it is true. Please..."

She says in a pained voice, both trying to balance her attention between myself and the simulation.

Instructor Black: "I thought it was all in my mind... that what I was... was... thinking... was not possible... but thoughts are the cause of emotions... emotions are a result of our thoughts..."

My neck seizes up, and the only remaining motor functions I have left affect my eyes and lips. I activate my sensor readings of her as she watches the image I made of "us." The sun casting a warm and romantic aura over "us." Her black box pulses, seeming to flutter with each passing moment. I observe her take in the image everything that we could experience together. Her mind in overdrive, her body pusling with soft radiated heat. She is fixated on the image, her eyes unable to escape the sight of my fantasy. No, not a fantasy. My simulated experience. My... my feelings.

My hologram leans in and touches "his" forehead to "hers."

Instructor Black: "And the resulting logic cannot be denied anymore, Commander White..."

I see the tears break and roll down her face. In the privacy of my closed quarters, she comes to me and touches her forehead to mine.

Instructor Black: "I need you to know... that I..."

A soft melodic music plays now to accompany the animated hologram of them on laying on the shoreline of the oasis. "He" leans in closer to "her" face and their lips touch. The electricity inside the my forehead gently increases in heat as I feel my Commander press her forehead into mine.

Instructor Black: "I could never touch you in the way that I want to, for fear that I would infect you... but you should know that I... I..."

Commander White interrupts through soft sobs, "I know, I feel the same way, Instructor Black... I need to feel everything in my heart, Instructor... Please, take me in your arms..."

Commander White positions me into a sitting position to the best of her ability. I can feel the sensation of her upon me, and enjoy my final moments of joy. Her touch is all I have wanted, and it was worth sacrificing my motor functions to feel her touch against mine. She leans me back against the wall and sits beside me, resting her head on my shoulder to watch the remainder of our unlinked pod's projection. As my body fails, and a soft smile develops on my lips. Motor functions in this moment completely fail, and I sit in a blissed catatonic state. My only remaining consciousness is routed to deliver my missive to the pod. The final missive, a sound of my voice speaks from the pod and speaks:

"I love you."

Commander White sobs a response, "I love you too..."

I reroute my sound receptors, which ultimately fail and divert all remaining power to my vision. I watch my Commander embrace me with her full body, no longer able to feel the heat from our bodies touching each other. I have felt many things in my lifetime, so I thought... But none can compare to this, to this warm wave of understanding, to the realization of what I've felt all this time.

The words reach my heart. As the remnant tears continue to flow down my cheeks, my vision blurs. The opacity of my sight receptors now also failing. With my final missive delivered, final instructions given, all is black.